Round2: The Heat Is On!

The Heat has been on for the entire last week of treatments, but I was not so affected until the end of the week.  That's when it all kicks in.  I get my Newlaster shot on Friday, that boosts the white blood cell count to fight off any infection.  As my body responded to it,  I took to bed.  With the heat as high as it was, I stayed safely indoors.  I was able to read but mostly sleep.  I felt slightly nauseous the entire time, but managed to have a little something to keep me from dehydrating as well as taking the additional medicines that I need right now. 
I think that you need a certain amount of physical distance from your own condition in order to reflect on the broader situation.  This is certainly the case with me.  I was wiped out and the only thing you can do when you feel like this is sleep, drink fluids and pray for a change in weather and health.  I am doing very well, considering; but it still requires a few more rounds of the recommended treatment to ensure  remission.
Last night I called a friend who lives nearby and asked if I could come over for a little something to eat.  I told her that I needed a reason to get up, get washed and get out, if just for a little while.  She was very kind and invited me right over.  I was able to have a bite to eat there and just some human conversation.  That helped a lot.  I felt so physically frail from all the treatment.  After that I was able to go back for some more light reading and sleep. 
I was awake for the climactic thunderstorms that broke this 6 day  heat wave.  My quarters are in the finished attic of a bi-level apartment, so I could hear the downpour right over my head.  It was so loud, but so welcome.  I know that they will cool things off significantly as well as water my garden, that I haven't been to in about two days.  The veggies will be happy for such a deep drink and I'll be happy as things cool off and I get out again.

Respite Day 19: The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

Many themes surface throughout my life that have often taken the form of  lyrics or titles from songs that I have known. This post, a  lyric from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, is no exception. It best expresses the sentiment of this phase of my treatment and life.  Over the years music has provided me with titles and lyrics that often act as an epigraph to the following chapter from my past. I sometimes wonder what it is about my relationship to pop music as I grew up, and then later on to more serious music and even some gospel.  Like Americans of various generations, music formed  the soundtrack of my youth, young adulthood, middle age and now my advancing senescence (ha!) I do think that music imprints  grooves into the brain and soul that do not simply vanish as the currency of the music fades. I experienced this first hand with my mother's diminishment from Alzheimer's disease.  As her memory was depleted by the disease and the pathways, like washed out roads, failed to reach the destination of mutual recognition and identity, a tune we knew that she liked could reach her, bring her joy and for awhile preserve the bond between child and parent.  Music runs deep, deeper than the ordinary organic circuitry that makes sense of our lives, loves and situates us in place and time. As a Gospel singer once responded to a question regarding the origin of  her music, "It comes from somewhere between the marrow and the bone."

 I picked through Keith Richards' autobiography, A Life, while waiting for a friend the other day in Barnes and Noble.  It transported me to the summer of "Satisfaction" (1965).  I recalled the song's impact and dominance, reigning at number one on the American pop charts for over 6 weeks, which, at the time, was unheard of.  It also had a  length of  3"46 seconds, which subverted the usual manic format of youth radio. as I flipped through the book, mostly glancing at the photos, but secretly feeling the excitement again. It is difficult to express the enthusiasm I had for this song and how it colored the entire summer and my world.  I know now that it was a shared experience of a generation coming of age at a time when there was great social turmoil  in the U.S., in the world, and lest I forget......girls!!. It was a song of youthful rebellion, of an unsubtle sexual frustration , something that parents were sure to dislike.

Keith Richards, Guitarist & Song Writer

  But the best part was the signature guitar lick that introduced the song and would be heard repeatedly, from seemingly 100's of transistor radios everywhere you went, throughout half of that endless summer.  I was 12 years old (going on thirteen, thank you.) and, following the lead of older kids in the neighborhood, was a fanatical Rolling Stones' fan.  The atmosphere of the time re-surfaced in my thoughts,

So I close by asking my nieces, nephews, grands and other family or friends who may wish to reach me at some time in the increasingly foggy future, to bring a ukulele, harmonica or kazoo with you to the old folks' home and recall those few notes that even I can play on guitar.  You don't need to know any of the words, just those 3 or 4 notes that make up  that signature riff, and you'll see my eyes refocus as I mentally step into the "Wayback Machine" and find my way back to that idyllic time somewhere between boy scouts and acne.

Sabbath Day 13: Respite from Treatment

Hi Everyone,  Reporting in from the Fumo branch of the Philadelphia Free Library.  I have some business in South Philly this morning (taking care of a friend's dog....no not putting it down!) and I'm hoping to get some refreshing "real" Italian water ice before I return to West Philly and some more errands.  
So far the great part is that I haven't lost any hair and I feel pretty good.  I have to be careful being out in the sun, which isn't easy on another sweltering day in the city.  I'll take the day, since my tomatoes, cukes and peppers need some uniterrupted sunshine to produce those wonderful fruits.  I have been collecting lettuce, kale, kirby's and radishes from my garden so far.  And peas too, which never manange to get very far from my garden before I eat them.  I have a dark red lettuce called a merlot that is coming in now.  I promise some photos of the bounty later when I get my PC running again. 
I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and offers of support; it is really appreciated.  I'm entering another three to five months of treatment and will try and find some work in the "meantime" to accommodate.  (As I said before: Most of life is lived in the mean time...i.e. between the great events, or those peak experiences of life: birth, graduation, marriage - more birth - retirement and....well you know the rest.)  The meantime is a good time to learn a new language (I'm working on Spanish), take dance lessons, enter therapy (if needed) or update  your resume.   The meantime is a good time to make your own living space a work of art.  Add some plants, a mobile some precious mementoes.  I find that living life can be an authentic art form too.  When you have a serious illness it tends to put things in a new perspective.  What are the truly important things versus the onslaught of tasks that we ususally consume ourselves with everyday?  It's not easy.  Most of my life has been spent either slavishly doing my perceived duties, or running away from them in search of a "Disneyfied" version of reality.  I think the truth is in finding the joy - or the dance - in the midst of the daily tasks which are always with us.  My program also teaches me that serenity and problems are not mutually exclusive; in fact, the art may be in finding our serenity in spite of life's troubles.  Well I guess we will see.

We're experiencing a temporary intererruption.....

Hi Everyone,  Yes.  My computer has stopped talking to me, or at least it's not waking up completely.  Even though I have a background in tech, I am perplexed.  I have a friend looking at it now.
I continue to have good health and await another round of chemo.  My doctor said the other day when looking over my initial results, "We hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  In your case, it's just what we hoped for."  So I'm very happy with the results and also my care.  My doctor's great and the nursing and administrative staff are all friendly and caring.  Perhaps some day our entire health system will be affordable and compassionate.  The initial signs are good.  Let's hope for the best and steel ourselves for anything less than the best.  We  deserve better care.
Hope to be back on line with the exciting conclusion to Hiking in Montana.  So stay tuned.