Shorn but Not Forgotten - The Director's Cut

Recently me: Long locks shorn by a lovely named Delilah. (I hate keeping secrets). Now I have to get along without slaying thousands with a wrath-filled jawbone just to be popular and get the girl. The fierce Palestine lion no longer prowls the Judean hillside - a legacy of which I am not proud. Spent a lot of time in the Joint, swinging blindly every night, like a drunken sailor, at every shadow - real or imagined - that taunted me and mocked my helplessness. I've grown; but I confess that the impulse is still there for one last feat of brute strength; one last explosive blast of unanswered offense, bringing the house down, once and for all, upon that gobsmacked Philistine crowd!!!! (Show biz...what are you going to do? It's in the blood).

Palestine Lion In Better Days

(Note Well: Some ancient clay tablets were recently found near the hot, new archaeology site of Tel Naugh (pronounced nawg), (1200 B.C.E) adding yet one more amazing dimension to this already distended account of crime, punishment and show biz.  So, for safety's sake, I'll just let our "volatile" hero tell it, and get out of the way:  Translator) 

 "...Well when I heard the "heat" was coming down from Ashkelon so I had to ditch the jawbone and lay low ("on the lamb" meant something completely different back then, and was never used in polite company).  So I wrapped it in a piece of organic Naugahyde, that I had recently found near Tel Naugh (where else?)  It seems like I'm always finding something old, yet useful, around Tel Naugh. Just last year I found a perfectly good ivory toothpick that someone just threw away.  I'm still using it!  (Who throws away a perfectly good ivory toothpick? This world has gone meshugena. No wonder G_d, may his name be forever praised but never pronounced, from time to time wants to wipe us all out in a flood, or a rain of burning pitch hailing from the sky and start all over again. (Hey? - and maybe that's where I get my impulse control problems from?!)

Well I wrap the jawbone in the N-hyde and stick it under a rock that only I can lift, and I forget about it for about 40 days and nights; and it's hot and dry during the day, but slightly damp and cold at night and sometimes cold and dry - you know the kinds of conditions that will eventually keep the Scrolls up in those caves from crumbling, for a couple thousand years, but that's another story. (I never got any credit for my prophetic abilities, either.  My hair could be just below my ears - like a Buster Brown cut - and I could predict a thousand years out like it was yesterday, which is what I just did with the Dead Sea Papers or The Ellsworth Scrolls, or whatever they ended up calling them.)  So I remember where I hid it and go back one night (the occasion? Guess -  Yet another item on Delilah's "Honey Do List" - sheesh). 

Ur-holster (recreation) one of the inventions
that Samson never got credit for.

Anyway, I go back and find that the N-hyde has hardened and taken on the shape of the jawbone. I decide to keep it for the future, so I can hide (no pun intended) it fast when necessary, but it also seems to be a useful way of carrying it around without calling attention to the fact that your carrying a bloodied jawbone in the waste band of your fufu##Enn!cct@ (This word is unintelligible. Translator).  Anyway I decide to punch some holes in it and string it next to my wine-skin  Next I came up with my own name for it - I call it a "holster".  How do you like the name?  I'm not married to it; it's more of a working title.  Since Tel Naugh is close to Ur (of the Chaldees), I was also thinking of naming it "Thee Ur-holster"  Get it?  Have any more appeal to you? (You never know when antiquities are going to come back in fashion.  Tel Naugh could be a gold mine).    I think the whole concept lends a lot of cachee to carrying around the jaw bone of an ass - strictly for protection, of course.  Remember a jaw bone is about a cubit long, and if you don't recall from Hebrew school how long a "cubit" is, then take a look at your arm: there's one cubit.  I've attached a rough sketch (see above) so let me know what you think.....thanks......